


we found love in between kafka and nietzsche

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Category: The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, NO SADS, POV Patroclus, The Song of Achilles - Freeform, library kisses, oblivious to love patroclus, patrochilles - Freeform, patroclus is into existentialism, please pardon any misquotes or mistakes, set in 2015, tsoa au, who knew that quotes about existentialism could be romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2015-10-23
Packaged: 2018-04-27 17:14:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5057017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>libraries can be magic - they can breathe life into reality and exhale love into starving lungs. they see more love stories than the pages of romance novels, achilles is sure of it and they will be a part of that.</p><p>"Everything that you love, you will eventually lose, but in the end love will return in a different form."<br/>-Franz Kafka</p>
            </blockquote>





	we found love in between kafka and nietzsche

Achilles and Patroclus have known one another since they were children - it was only natural that they move in together after high school or at least that's what Achilles had said.

Their apartment was modest and earth toned - sat in Thessaloniki, Greece with two bedrooms on the fourth floor. Taupe tiles lined every inch of flooring but that wasn't Patroclus' favorite part. That would be the sliding glass doors leading to a balcony overlooking brick sidewalks with foliage sprouting in the center and to the sides. He wasn't too fond of the easily view-able apartments and balconies across from it but taking in the starlight at night with Achilles was worth the minor annoyance.

Though they'd lived in the place for at least two years it was sparsely decorated - basic amenities, a small black folding table with two chairs in the kitchen shoved up against the back wall (put away whenever it wasn't in use; to save on space),  a futon in lieu of a sofa (slate gray and lumpy in places), a flat screen television mounted to the wall, stacks of dvd's (mostly documentaries and Animal Planet), the ferns that Patroclus tried so desperately to keep alive (they'd compromised on three though he would've preferred more), bedrooms with rumpled cream sheets and full size beds, one bathroom lined with various hair products (belonging to Achilles), no less than five different shampoos and a shower curtain that hardly concealed the person who was bathing.

It wasn't much but it was _theirs_ and here they were free of Achilles' overbearing mother. Thetis rather enjoyed attempting to micromanage every aspect of Achilles life and had never cared for Patroclus. Until they'd severed ties she'd sent date after date Achilles way and angerly raged whenever they weren't successful. Secretly, Patroclus thanked the gods that none of them had made it past two dates. Achilles had always ended up skipping out early and stretching across the futon with toned (he got up to run every morning at 5am no matter the weather) legs hanging over the edge and blonde curls on Patroclus' lap. He didn't explain why each date failed and Patroclus didn't ask.

As for Patroclus, his mother had passed years ago and his father shunned him after he'd came out of the closet at age sixteen. He'd never felt for anyone else what he felt for Achilles - an overwhelming love that encompassed everything and he couldn't picture his life without him in it. He'd kept this part to himself. His father had spat the word _homosexual_ as if it were acid on his tongue - vile and sickening. It was then that Achilles had decided that they'd branch out on their own, together.

The door slides open as Achilles strides onto the balcony - blonde curls blowing in the wind untamed and eyes bright as the morning sun. Patroclus forces his eyes away from the sight of dark washed skinny jeans and leather belt hugging his thighs and muscles (though not overly muscled - the body of a runner) peeking out from his t-shirt.

Patroclus is near opposite of Achilles with cropped brunette hair, paler skin with freckles dotting his shoulders and sprinkled throughout his back, modest muscles on a lithe body and forest green eyes - he's handsome in his own right.

"Let's go to the library," Achilles suggests - bending at the waist and taking Patroclus by the hand until they're both standing.

"You haven't even finished the last book you checked out," Patroclus protests.

The stack of books with dog eared pages currently took up residence on the couch where Achilles skimmed from one to the other - rarely finishing them before moving onto the next.

"I have read enough of them to know the ending. Come on - isn't yours due for renewal?" 

Achilles dramatically drapes himself over Patroclus' torso - arms curving around his neck and face pressed against his chest. It wasn't unusual by any means and Patroclus had stopped protesting long ago. Truthfully he enjoyed the weight of Achilles in his arms, the clean scent of his soap and the warmth of fingers finding their way to the nape of his neck where they traced circles mindlessly. 

For once Patroclus would like to hold him like this and have it actually mean something more than Achilles being careless with physical affection. He'd like to wake up to curls tickling his ears and cheeks - to an excited Achilles coming up behind him and biting his neck when he wasn't expecting it. He wants all of it - everything that Achilles has to give but he can't bring himself to take that first step. 

"I cannot renew it another time - they'll likely revoke my library card."

He'd read and re-read a novel about Alexander the great and his beloved Hephaestion - how they'd conquered together and loved deeply and honestly.

Achilles nuzzles against his neck - "They will not."

Patroclus can feel his skin growing warmer with every hot puff of breath against it, heart beating out Achilles' name with every breath.

_Achilles...most beloved. Oh how I love you. How I have always loved you._

"And your books?," Patroclus asks, voice low.

"I am finished with them. We can return them."

"Will you ever read one from beginning to end?"

Achilles shifts and lightly kisses the underside of Patroclus' jaw - only once. "Why would I do that?"

_Because you like to begin things and never follow through..._

"Because you're you and you rarely finish what you start."

Achilles stiffens then draws back until they're no longer touching - "Will you go with me?"

_We're going to ignore that then. Okay._

"Give me a moment."

Patroclus slips back inside and pulls on a pair of black Converse, Achilles' hoodie and nabs his book.

********

In the end he chooses to go with a new one instead of renewing his old favorite.

He's flipping through the non-fiction section when Achilles locates him - arms empty of the half finished books.

He's so enthralled with Nietzsche that he doesn't even notice his presence until a hushed whisper in his ear says -

"We should consider everyday lost on which we have not danced at least once."

_Keep going...quote Nietzsche, Kafka...anything you want but I can't guarantee that I won't melt right here in the aisle._

"Everything that you love, you will eventually lose, but in the end love will return in a different form," he counters.

Achilles grins and straightens - "Dostsoyevsky."

"Kafka," Patroclus corrects.

Achilles leans in close - "Perhaps you could check out a book by him and show me what he meant by that quote."

 _You're treading on dangerous territory here,_ Patroclus' common sense says.

"I should."

_So much for listening to myself._

Achilles pulls back and wanders to one end of the aisle then the other and back again.

He presses Patroclus up against the spines of dusty books in neat rolls with one palm on his chest - over his rapidly pounding heart and the other curved over his hipbone. 

"Oh God, I wish you were not on this earth, but entirely within me, or rather that I were not on this earth but entirely within you," he quotes - eyes growing darker and tongue darting out to wet his lips. 

"Kaf...Kafka," Patroclus mumbles.

_This is new._

"Patroclus," Achilles murmurs - slowly draws out each letter as if hes caressing them. He lightly presses a thumb against Patroclus' bottom lip until his mouth parts - breath catching in his throat.

Instead of withdrawing his thumb he brushes against Patroclus' lips - gaze following each movement.

_Stop this if you don't mean it._

"Achilles," Patroclus breathes.

It's then that Achilles' fingers wander - they trace each cheekbone and the curve of his jaw before moving to cup the side of his neck.

"Patroclus...I'm going to kiss you now."

It's more of a statement than a question but Patroclus can't bring his voice to work - he nods.

Achilles lips are soft and warm under his own and it feels like a thousand butterflies have taken hold of his stomach. His heart pounds painfully hard in his chest and hes all too aware of every inch of Achilles body against his. He feels as if he's a smouldering fire suddenly set ablaze.

The book he was holding onto drops onto the floor as he grips Achilles' hips hard and holds on tight.

"Patroclus. Kiss me," Achilles whispers before gently nipping his ear lobe.

_I want to hear those words again and again._

Patroclus takes initiative and traces Achilles' lips with his tongue before dipping in and sliding it alongside Achilles'. He makes a sound low in his throat that vibrates against Patroclus' lips and nearly causes Patroclus' to lose his footing.

"Excuse me," a sharp voice interrupts.

They hastily break apart at the sight of an disgruntled librarian with lips in a thin line and a pile of books in one arm.

"My apologies," Patroclus mumbles as he retrieves his book from the floor - Achilles grins as wide as he can as if he enjoyed the thrill of getting caught.

_Wouldn't come as a surprise._

"I do not think that Nietzsche would object to waiting," he says as they round a corner and he eyes the exit.

"We could always come back tomorrow," Patroclus replies.

"I am fond of that section," Achilles murmurs with a devilish smile.

"We should revisit it," Patroclus agrees.

"Until then..." Achilles begins as he takes Patroclus by the hand and leads him toward the door.

The book is abandoned on the counter and Patroclus vows to follow Achilles to the library with as many half read books as he wants.

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by this photoset http://hogwartskidsproblems.tumblr.com/post/52404380114/ohqueenmargaery-the-song-of-achilles-modern
> 
> their apartment http://www.homegreekhome.com/en/rent_Apartment_Evosmos__Thessaloniki_-l3554915?ref=homepageFeaturedLD


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